Something’s Not Right Somewhere

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart….

Who looks outside, dreams, Who looks inside, awakens.”

Carl Jung
Something is not right somewhere. Sometimes, I don’t know what the heck is bothering me. I think I’m right then at the same time, I think I’m wrong! Often, when it comes to doing something, say making a decision, I have internal wars in my mind! Even when I’m shopping for groceries! My thoughts clash like a huge massive explosion, even I couldn’t bare to stand!
It’s like I have voices in me, from 2 different people, provoking and pestering me! Often, I ignore them, pretend these voices are not talking to me. Everything is blurry. I don’t know what is it with me.
There is something unnerving about being forced to look at yourself when you are unwilling to come to terms with something. Something raw and real that you cannot run away from. You can lie to yourself, to your mind and in your mind all of the time but when you look yourself in the face, well you know that you’re lying. I am not okay. That I did not hide from myself, and the truth of it stared me in the face.
There are moments when I feel extremely disturbed. By what? Who? I don’t even know! And no, it’s not PMS. There are days I feel extremey sulky, worrying about the slightest things.
I hate it when 2 extreme feelings surface at the same time. Like Worry and Excitement. Now that really sucks! I don’t know what to do, so I just live the day by taking turns, thinking of the situations. I have only my heart to confide in.
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
Benjamin Spock, M.D.
I trust myself, I know I will be the person I have always pictured myself to be. Though I have doubts, I know I will make it. I can’t wait to start anew. I can’t wait to try something fresh. As of now, I couldn’t find the Restart Button, but I know I’ll figure it out.
When I look back, there are things that I never thought I could do, but I did. I didn’t know I possess such capabilities. For instance, looking back, I didn’t know how I survived graduating with a Diploma without having to extend my length of stay!
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Mark Twain
I was reading one night, when I came to realise how short life is. There are things I put on hold. A major procrastinator, my To-do list sprouts like nobody’s business.
I took the plunge to do some of the things I had always wanted to. I will. I am still waiting for the right moment -hey, I’m a big-time procrastinator!- to do it. But I will, sooner than I think I would!
“Start by doing what’s necessary,
then what’s possible and
suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

St. Francis of Assisi

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